Being able to say “I-Am" (Being Oneself)
"Who are you?"—This is the first question posed in Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World. It arrives mysteriously in Sophie’s mailbox and marks the beginning of her philosophical journey. Most of us do not encounter this question in our mailboxes, yet at some unexpected moment in life, it finds us. But why is answering this question so difficult? It feels as though no answer is ever quite sufficient. "I am a psychologist, I am the daughter of Ayşe and Mehmet…" The countless labels that define us can suddenly become irrelevant. For instance, someone known for being hardworking may find themselves unable to work due to an illness. In that case, who do they become? We are constantly caught between the impermanence of who we are and the infinite possibilities of who we could be. Fortunately, this is not a constant state of mind. However, sometimes this feeling intensifies to the point of making us feel as if we have been launched into space.
The feeling of being thrown into existence was introduced conceptually by Martin Heidegger. He describes how humans find themselves "thrown" into the world without their own will—born into specific conditions, at a particular time and place. According to Heidegger, this thrownness also defines human freedom, as we are responsible for creating meaning and making choices despite our circumstances. However, this freedom is a source of great anxiety. Kierkegaard describes anxiety as "the dizziness of freedom"—the feeling that arises when individuals recognize their infinite possibilities and their responsibility to define themselves. The experience of being oneself is not merely a passive awareness but a realm filled with choices and potential, which can be both exhilarating and overwhelming.
Several existentialist philosophers have explored the concept of being oneself. Jean-Paul Sartre’s statement "existence precedes essence" suggests that individuals are not born with a predefined purpose or essence but instead define themselves through their actions. He emphasizes that individuals are responsible for creating their own meaning and values. To live is to carry this burden. Martin Heidegger, through his concept of Dasein ("being-there"), argues that the awareness of being oneself forces individuals to confront their finite existence and live authentically. Albert Camus, on the other hand, contends that embracing the awareness of being oneself—and accepting that life has no inherent meaning—leads individuals to create their own purpose. This grants people the freedom to build their lives based on their values and experiences, independent of the universe’s indifference.
Many of us, when experiencing a crisis of being oneself, embark on a quest for meaning. A clinical example of this is the tendency toward self-diagnosis. For instance, someone might say, "I procrastinate a lot because I have ADHD," as a way of labeling their struggle. Similarly, individuals experiencing burnout may attempt to cope with their feelings of emptiness by seeking solace in a diagnostic category. These labels provide a temporary sense of security, though they are neither solid nor enduring. However, accepting any diagnosis—or any definition of self—as absolute is a shallow and restrictive approach. Instead, we should strive to understand and explore these definitions with curiosity. This approach requires courage, as it means daring to remain "naked" before putting on the clothes of an identity. It brings discomfort, vulnerability, and insecurity. In therapy, we create a safe space to sit with this unsettling feeling and embark on the journey of being oneself.
In my view, self-understanding is the foundation of the path to being oneself. This brings to mind Kierkegaard’s words: "Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards." The feeling of being oneself is formed through understanding the past, shaping it into an authentic narrative, and facing the infinite possibilities of the future.